Make it Seen

When I started running again, I was surprised to discover that I felt compelled to take a photo (or video, or both, or many) of myself every. single. time. While I’m a photographer, I often feel uncertain on the other side of the lens (read: in front of the camera). I often use my kids as props to feel more comfortable, and don’t have many photos just of me. That’s always bothered me, but I’ve been too overwhelmed to really take it on.

But there was something about running again that I needed to see. I needed to see myself doing it. I needed visual proof that it was happening. A habit tracker wasn’t enough, I needed to be able to look back and remember: Yes, that was me out there on the trails. That’s me, in my body, in this space and time. I’m right here.

On one of my pre-dawn runs, I clicked on my headlamp and immediately the words that came to me were, “Make the unseen seen.” There’s a lot of my life that goes unseen. I’m home with my kids. I don’t have a social network where I live right now. I go days without talking to anyone outside of my immediate family, and It’s really easy to start slipping away. I’m finding that running counters it, taking photos of myself counters it, writing counters it. This power trio of blogging about my running does wonders.

I’m making the unseen seen.

And the more I see myself, the more of me there is to see.