The Great Return

Today I ran up a short but ridiculously steep hill that I used to run fairly frequently—back in round one of my running days. I wasn’t planning to. In fact, my actual plan was to run to the base of it and turn around. I had even hit my intended mileage for the turnaround before. But once I got so close, I just couldn’t resist.

I went slowly. Took tiny baby steps. But when I looked back down, I felt so delighted. High school me would be so proud.

Want to know something else she’d be proud of? I signed up for a 5k. I can’t believe I’m actually saying that. I had sworn off of 5ks for the absolute entirety of the rest of my life. The distance just hit a little too close to home. That was the distance I raced all through high school, when my running was at its strongest. The times I ran then are times that are outrageously out of reach for me at this stage, and I didn’t think I’d ever be able to run a 5k without comparing myself to how running used to look, how it used to feel in my body.

But a slow shift has been taking place over the last month of daily running, and I’m learning to trust in the value of where I am right now. I won’t be competing with my previous times. I may never compete with them again. But I’m so proud of the progress that I’ve made, and I want to know what I’m capable of. I have enough endurance now that I can reasonably take on a 5k race with the intent to race. I’m going in with the mindset that I’m setting my baseline time to give me a reference point for where I am as I start out. Whatever time I get will be a win. And also, I want to know how fast I can go.

So today I focused on gentle movement, and working to shake out the lingering soreness that I still have from Sunday’s run. That will be the focus for tomorrow’s run too. And then it’s race day! I hope it feels like coming home.